Not Guilty
by StuckInThePast
Summary: "Do you find the prisoner to be guilty or not guilty?"  Based on the trailer aired last night for the Christmas special.
1. Chapter 1

_I don't know why I'm doing this to you. I don't know why I'm doing it to myself. But my internet is down and I can't stop thinking about that terrifying trailer._

_On a practical note, I'm used to a Bates POV rather than an Anna one, so this might be a little rusty._

**Not Guilty**

Not guilty. Not guilty.

Even as she heaves in desperately bottled terror, one hand enclosed in Mrs Hughes' and the other in Lady Mary's, she is silently praying for the only verdict that could ever be right. She prays and wishes and vows to whoever will listen to her thoughts that she will give her life in exchange for his. It's all she has, that she hasn't already given for his sake.

_When Anna goes home and breaks the news of her marriage to her family, they are furious. In a way, Anna understands that. She did do it behind their backs, without dropping a word. But what she can't understand is that they tell her she should have given up on him when the danger came of an arrest. They say she should have left him the moment his first wife died, or better yet, the moment she found out he had one. They are welcome enough to think what they like on that score; Anna doesn't bother setting them straight. When she asks her mum to come with her to the trial, she says she might come for her daughter's sake but never for that brutal John Bates. She says she doesn't support a philanderous murderer and won't pretend to. She says she can't come and support a daughter who will hit her in the face so hard she almost breaks her nose._

Anna doesn't care much. Well, not any more. Lady Mary and Mrs Hughes, everyone at Downton, even Miss O'Brien, make up her family now. And if her mother can really think that her Mr Bates is a murderer then she doesn't deserve to know her son-in-law.

Her breath is quickening and her grasp on Lady Mary's hand is tightening and why is that judge delaying for even a second? She needs to know, she can't know, she wants to run up and grab the papers and see for herself, she wants to hide and never face the truth. What will she do if… She can't even think the words. No. He won't be found guilty, he can't be found guilty. He didn't. He couldn't – he won't be found guilty.

What is taking so damn long?

"Do you find the prisoner to be guilty or not guilty?"

Prisoner. Why use that word of everything? The image that word conjures in her mind is of a dejected, ruined man, defeated. She will not see her husband like that. She refuses to imagine that he could ever have to live like that. Die like that, a cruel corner of her mind whispers.

She clings to the hands that lie still and comforting in hers. Can she hold on any longer? Her heart will explode from her mouth in a moment. She's so, so afraid.

When the man speaks, she doesn't hear him. She continues with her quickened breathing and pounding heart, the tears threatening. She doesn't hear Lady Mary speaking gently to her, doesn't feel Mrs Hughes resting a hand on her shoulder. She doesn't know of anything until she meets his eyes.

And the world doesn't matter anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

_Okay, I was thinking about leaving it there. But then I decided not to, and this happened. It will probably go on another three or four chapters now. And it may be a bit crap because my brain is dead lately. :L_

**Chapter 2**

By Anna's still form he could tell that she hadn't heard a word. If she had, she might have run straight to him – he half wished she would, although he wanted her to take it all in at her own pace. Or she might have broken down sobbing in her seat, friends nearby to dry her tears and hold her hands until she was ready for him. But this lying still? It meant she hadn't heard a word.

He sought out her eyes, though he wanted to hide from them. He couldn't bear to be the one to tell her, but the thought of somebody else doing it for him was horrible. She had to hear it from him, and so he searched her face until he managed to connect to her eyes.

_My darling, I am so sorry._

She stared at him, then drew back a little, shaking her head slowly, until her back was pressed against the wall and she was paling at a frightening rate. How he wanted to go to her, but he couldn't; it would—

What was he thinking? His trial was done with, no action of his would influence his conviction. Ignoring the guards trying to stop him, he made his way down the courtroom towards her. He didn't drop his eyes for a moment, and there was a strength in his step he hadn't felt for some time.

As he reached the pew, Lady Mary and Mrs Hughes moved a little out of the way, and he moved to kneel in front of Anna, taking one of her hands in his and using the other hand to cup her face.

"It's alright," he said, and she moved at once into his arms, crying softly. And he tried to comfort her however he could, but one thought began to take him over. He was going to die.

He was going to leave Anna behind, and soon. His involvement in her life had brought her little happiness and too much grief, and now it would force upon her the title of murderer's widow. If only he had stayed away…

It would have done no good, he reprimanded himself sharply. If he had stayed away from Anna he probably would have killed Vera, if she'd been at him like this. He would be a vicious man, reverted to his old ways, and she… He couldn't speak for certain about Anna, but he knew that she would choose this path every time.

He wept with her.

~o~

"Was it something I did wrong?" he asked his lawyer later, when he had for the moment got the pain out of his system, when Anna had friends looking after her and he had been ordered back to his cell.

"No, I don't think so," Mr Waters said, considering the matter over, his eyes shifting like cogs turning in his mind, in that strange way of his. "You gave your statement very well. The late Mrs Bates just laid her trap too cleverly."

John flinched to hear Vera called that, as he always did. Mrs Bates, in his mind, was always Anna; the late Mrs Bates, his mother. Vera was only Vera.

"So what happens now?"

Waters hesitated. "I'll keep my eyes open for new evidence," he said, "and place an appeal if there is reason for it. Otherwise, I'm sorry to say, there's nothing that can be done."

John had expected this. He nodded. "But what about my wife?"

"She will inherit whatever worldly goods you may have. The money, and the house, of course; she will be well looked after with that. I daresay she will now continue working at Downton, although you would do well to ask her."

"Yes, of course, but if I want to… spend some time with her, before…"

"Well, of course she will be able to take all her usual visits."

"Yes," John said, and the faintest trace of a smile flitted across his features. "But it would put both our minds a great deal at ease if we were able to spend a few nights together."

Waters shook his head. "I'll do what I can, Bates, but be aware that it's a long shot, won't you? Don't tell that poor woman anything when it almost certainly won't come to pass."

Of course he wouldn't do that.

In another ten minutes Mr Waters was gone, and John left once more to himself. He pushed back onto the bed and lay silently for a while, closing his eyes and picturing himself at home, in his bed at Downton. It didn't work. He knew too well that he was going to die.

He picked up the book that had been occupying him when nothing else did, and started to read again, but the words were all a blur. He sighed heavily and put it down, rolling over to lie face-down on the bed. He wasn't ready for this. He didn't want to be without Anna, nor leave her alone. He couldn't. And yet they were going to kill him, he had no choice.

He allowed himself to cry a little. More than anything, he hated that this pain would engulf Anna, too.


End file.
